Work out my way

[Re-edited on the plane]

Oh, God, I am already bored. We left home at 4:30a.m., seeing my Taiwanese mom off around 6:00, waiting for 2.5 hours until my check-in time at 9:00a.m., and I am now at a café near my gate, which is supposed to open at 11:35a.m. Five-six hours have already passed. However, I heard some story from my Taiwanese parents on this way so now I update my blog before getting on board soon.

The story is about the time when they came to Canada 22 years ago, how they worked out their way to settle there. For the first two years, they couldn’t get a decent job. Since they had 3 little daughters they absolutely needed regular income. My Taiwanese mom started to work as a part-time teacher, also attending a high school with her daughter, handling all the household chores, and going to an unemployment office once a week to find a job for her husband. Her husband had to have some degree taken in Canada in order to get hired; he started to go to college. He studied there for 1 year, working at a bakery at night for 2 years. While she was commuting to the unemployment office regularly, one man there came to take care of them, always prepared with some possible job vacancies appropriate for him. He now works at the Pearson airport in Toronto, but the whole process of selection lasted for 5 months to be completed. They advised me, “To start, you’ve got to do any job and find a good one later.”

Listening to how they have made the way is always learning. I want my husband to find a job soon and work hard, and I am also excited to work in the States challenging myself like my Taiwanese mother. I realized whether English is the second language or not doesn’t matter to survive thanks to her. I will just learn more vocabularies, find a job and work hard there as I did in Japan. Being with her encourages me and inspires me.

This feeling was reinforced all the more because I read blogs by Japanese females who write about their international marriage life. I referred to one blog at “A “successful” survivor for Japanese girls,” but mostly other blogs at the top ranks in the genre are also basically boasts about their lives overseas with their foreign husbands and cute “half” babies. They might just want to show their lives to their families or friends, but I don’t understand why their titles have to be like this:

“My husband is a Korean younger than me!”   

(Okay, you are happy with his age and being Korean),

“My international marriage life with a French guy in New Zealand”

(You are proud that your husband is French. It is a good country, isn’t it?)

“My second marriage life with the Roberts in real-estate business”

(Okay, you could marry to a rich guy from a wealthy family

despite the fact that you had been a divorcee.)

…and the pictures of their top pages are often from their weddings…

Why do they have to specify what nationality their husbands’ are in the titles?

I wish their husbands could read what they write in their blogs…but I don’t know… They might not feel anything. It is true that some foreigners take advantage of such another type of “racism” and just feel comfortable. However, I would kill myself if my husband wrote a blog entitled “My wife is Japanese.” Oh disgusting…writing this even makes me sick… 

I have to say I am different from them. I blog NOT just because I married to an American guy or living overseas or intend to make my name through it like them BUT because I can clarify my thoughts through writing. I will work out my new life, teaming up with my husband like my Taiwanese parents. That’s my focus. I am just more than happy if I could share my perspectives and experiences with my husband, my family and friends, and someone I don’t know at a neutral standpoint through my blog.

Good-bye my Taiwanese Mom and Dad

Today is the last day in Canada. We didn't do much at all. We have a lot of food still from Easter feast. We just gave a gift to the girl nextdoor as a token of gratitude, and bought souvenirs that I have to give to more than 40 people working in the high school which I quit last March. 

(It is a custom to give some money to people leaving as a going-away present in Japan. Also, it is mandatory to give something around half the amount of the cost back...I can do this because I am convincing myself that I won't have to do this stupid thing again.)

Anyway, early next morning (by 4:30am) I am leaving here. 

Although I will miss my Taiwanese mom and dad, I don't want to recall of this shed. 
I had to read the directions for him in the end and helped him build it in the wind, in the snow, and in the cold...

There is no groundwork under it. He says he will do it later, but how can he do the groundwork later?? I am sure it will be blown away on some windy day as soon as the roof is installed. I hope Buddha bless them, their house and the neighborhood. He seems to be satisfied with his job (although some parts are already torn due to strong wind) and appreciate that I happened to be here and helped. I am happy if he thinks that way.

They are like my parents. I really appreciate this opportunity and their kindness which allowed me to stay here for no less than 2 weeks. Without it, I wouldn't have stayed that long here or have learned anything from her. Especially I shared a lot of time and fun with my Taiwanese mom. She is my another mom I love, I respect, and I will care about always in my heart. How lucky I am. 




  

Gaining something taking a detour

I was waiting for a letter from the RCMP in the morning. The postman is supposed to come around 10:30. Then the time had come, my Taiwanese parents received somehow an big parcel like a big paper bag, saying it was from the RCMP. I opened it. There were lots of things inside such as booklets and catalogues, so I couldn't easily find the letter. I searched and searched frantically. I found it. But I was still worried so I checked whether nothing was wrong with the info on it. I found one error. I thought, "Oh my god...I have to do it again..."

This was a dream...I fell asleep while I was waiting for the postman to come.

Being groggy, I went to the door to check the postbox. My Taiwanese father was there and I passed a bunch of letters to him to grab more. He said, "This is for you!" Yes, the letter was just a normal size, and it was definitely from the RCMP!

I opened the envelop, my non-criminal record was there!







It was a long way to this end.
I sent the first letter from Japan to the RCMP last November. They sent me back the following month. I sent it again in January. Then I got it back again in March. It was sooooo disappointing. I was going crazy. I had searched a lot about it before I failed, but still there were some pitfalls that I had never expected. I admit 5% was my faults, but 30% the US embassy which gave me old and wrong info, 65% the RCMP which misbelieved that the letter I attached was not original, sending my application back. Fingerprinting at a private agent in Canada was the last way I could resort to.

I am happy that I made it finally, and I also appreciate that I have had a chance to visit my Taiwanese parents. I learn a lot now from her. Her English is not perfect (really good enough, though) but she is always confident with herself. She never feels timid about talking to Canadian people in person or on the phone, so that it seems that people sometimes feel it is their fault that they couldn't understand some words she says. She is strong manybe because her philosophical backbone about how to live or how to be is solid.

She is the top sales person at the jewelry store where she works (Her sales a month was the top among her colleagues for 9 months last year). Her students love her. The parents of her students respect her. In/outside the house, there are lots of plants grow and bloom.

Strange as it may sound, she showers everything, everyone with love.

I visited her for the first time in 7 years, but coming over to her in order to get a non-criminal record was something I needed before starting to live in the US. I don't thank the RCMP who rejected me twice, but I feel it was not that bad to come to Canada to see her thanks to the problem I had. 

Breaking into the house without breaking anything

Today, my Taiwanese Mon had a 3-hour class for junior-high kids. It was a parent day, so she prepared lots of things for it, i.e., the students' achievement board, tea sets, some snacks, materials for a game, flowers for the parents.

We left our home 8a.m for a high school where the classes are to be held.

We arrived there at 8:30a.m., set everything out in the room. 


The room was for physics. I found words of wisdom posted on the wall.   


Good words...This reminds me of why I have come here to Canada. I hope I could see I made a right decesion soon.

The kids were good at Chinese. My Taiwanese mom says, one kid whose father is Canadian and mother is Taiwanese has come to speak Chinese after 5 years' studying there(only once a week, though). She couldn't speak Chinese at all. She was making a fluent speech in Chinese in the class. Good job!

Since the Saturday school is provided by a Buddhist community, they were raising funds by selling Chinese vegetarian foods. It seems people around the world really care about us.  

After the class, we went to "Pacific Mall" in the north of Toronto. 

Now I realized, I should not have gotten excited at the Chinese supermarket.

The mall was huge, and all the stores were Asian. Wherever you see around, it is all Asia! Oh my god!! When I said, "Great China power!", my Taiwanese Mon said, "No, it's Taiwanese and Cantonese Power!" They write not simplified-Chinese characters but old Chinese Characters...I see, you are right.

We spent 2 hours there. We were exhausted. On the way home, we were saying how long today had been...how much we miss our home...and that we would just have a simple dinner and relax watching TV...

When we arrived home, we were like "Yay!! Home!!"  It was around 6p.m.

...but she didn't have the key to the house!

"Where is the key? You have the key?"  she said.

"What do you mean?? I don't have the key!"  

Father is out for work till the morning!

"Oh, my god!"

My mom lent me her key the other day, I gave it back to her right after I got back, leaving it on the place she always places her key.  Since she hasn't needed to use it 'cause somebody was always home, and since she was in a hurry for work this morning, she didn't take the key today!!

We found some windows unlocked, so I tried to break into the house from the window, climbing up onto a green garbage cart. I hoped no one in the neighborhood would call the police. I came here for a non-criminal record!!

The screen window wouldn't slide, so we gave up breaking in.

She visited a neighbor and used their phone to call for a key smith.

The key smith said it is gonna be $120 + tax!! 
I said, "Let me pay the half! Let's split! I will pay!" then I checked my cash, there was only $40...she said, "It is not even half! No thanks!! :-P"

In 20 mins, the guy came. He said, he needs to break it. My mother didn't want that, so he came back. He didn't do his best at all. But good thing, he didn't charge us at all. Okay...

We went back to the neighbor's house. My Taiwanese mom tried to reach her husband working at the Toronto Pearson Airport, she didn't have his number in her bag (they don't have cell phones).  She called the information desk there, but they didn't trust her. 

We were gonna go to the airport anyway to knock his door for the key since I know where his office is.

Then the 19-year-old daughter there suggested the way to break into the house without breaking anything. She did herself when her parents were out.

Okay let's do it!

It took a while, like half an hour, then she could make a kitty hole on the screen window!! We got in!! Yeah!!! 

She was really nice. She saved our life because mom didn't want to let father know that she had forgot the key to have the trouble to get into the house.

We set everything back as if nothing had happened. No trace left. 

We finally could relax... it was 8 p.m.  

We had dinner around 9p.m.

Salad, Fried rice noodles from the fund raising society, Chinese pancakes, papaya.

We also had soup.

We both appreciated that we were in the house, having a meal with a hot soup.

We won't forget the key again, but we now know how to get into the house when it happens. Experiences are golden.

Forgiveness

Today's lesson:

"Everyone is not perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. They just have to learn something from them to be better."
"S/he regrets what s/he has done and reflects him/herself all the more because you forgive."

My taiwanese mom said this after she talked about this story:
One kid in her neighborhood stole a key from one of her daughters and kept stealing money sneaking into her house. They had been wondering where their money or things had gone... It was not until he was caught by the police for another case that they finally figured out what had been happening in their house...  

After the kid was released, he came to say sorry, being accompanied by his mother. She was so kind and generous to say that first line. But when she asked how much in total he had stolen from them, the kid said, "It would be $8,000-10,000...but how didn't you know that??"

They are too nice...

I believe:
"People will learn something from their mistakes only if they are already good."

Today's dinner: eggplant with hot garlic sauce, deeply-fried spareribs, stir-fried beans

To make the sparerib karaage, she washes the ribs with running water for 10 mins to get rid of smell.

Trout bone soup with corn, carrot, and tofu. To make fish soup, you don't have to boil fish bones first. You can just add fish bones into hot water to make soup.  

Of course tasty.

Being lazy is a sin.

My Taiwanese mother is Hakka.

Hakka is a family which used to live together in a cylinder shaped building. They are eager to give the best education to their children and always work very hard. They speak their own language. So my Taiwanese mother speaks Taiwanese, Mandarin, English and Hakka. The reason why she immigrated into Canada was to give her three daughters better education. It was 22 years ago, when not so many Asian immigrants were in Canada.

It is amazing to see how my Taiwanese parents always keep themselves busy even at home. Since my Taiwanese father has a decent job at Toronto airport, she doesn’t have to work. But she sells jewelries at a mall nearby, and she does pretty good. She works 35 hours a week; 9am-5pm or 1pm-9:30pm. She is also a Chinese teacher on Saturdays. She makes teaching materials for her class. Also you cannot forget she is a good cook. She cooks 3 meals for us. Her house is always maintained clean and organized. There is no room that I can help. She handles everything to be perfect.

It struck me to hear her say,

“I feel guilty if I spend time without doing anything unless I am sick.”

My Taiwanese father is also never at ease. He was off today. When I saw outside in the afternoon, he had knocked down an old hut in the backyard and taken everything out. He did that alone within a day. He is going to build a new storage hut. Hope he lets me help a little tomorrow.

When they don’t work, they pray. Both of them are really pious. My Taiwanese mother prays to her Buddhist alter every morning. My Taiwanese father prays for 1-2 hours no matter how many times a day when he is off duty without doing anything at home. They are the real Buddhists.

They never waste food. She cooks a lot, but usually he eats all. Even he cannot, throwing away left-over is never their option unless it has gone bad. They eat it another time. When he saw my wedding pictures, where my husband tries to put some cream on my face (that seems to be the Western tradition), he said, “I don’t like that. It is wasting food.” (It is also ruining my make-up : - P)

I share the same idea as them, but their belief is more intense. I feel guilty if I don’t have a job; I don’t feel guilty if I am lazy when I am off. I DON’T throw away food, but they NEVER do. When they make soup from bones, they eat the every edible part of them.

I asked, “Did your parents teach you the idea that being lazy is a sin?” Then she said, “Parents don’t have to teach how to live to their kids. Kids see and learn how their parents live. My mother was a teacher, but she wakes up at 5:30am to clean everything before she goes to work. I don’t do that, though.”

She also said that Hakka girls used to be wanted to be married to by Chinese single men because they basically work harder than other girls.

They are not cheap. They bought this house one week after they came to Canada. Now they bought a condo to move into someday or for investment for now. "Spend money to make more money!"

Being diligent, living humble, but still spending money on what they have to do is very Asian, which modern Japanese don’t follow any more. I just follow what I see right, which is exactly their way. Living with my Taiwanese parents could adjust the way to live my life. But how can I help myself with adjusting to the Canada time?? I cannot resist my body wanting to sleep on the Japan time still… I will be a complete lazy person in this house forever…

'

Today's dinner: fried vegetables, sausages, and rice porridge with taro and chicken called si-fan. I like it very much...I put some cilantro leaf on it. Salmon from 2 days ago is also on the table. 

Yum!!